Last October 22, 2007, Philippine Time, my brother Rommel aka Kuya Ame passed away from the disease called Schizophrenia. I was here 18 days in America and it happened during my wedding last October 21, 2007, US Time. At that moment, I'm dying inside, the fact that it's impossible for me to fly back going to the Philippines. It's really broke my heart, I never had a chance to see his burial to say goodbye. I was tearfully down, felt crazy and mourned. Everything seemed to be unfair, one month before, my uncle Lukoy had a heart attacked. I wasn't overcome yet, then unexpectedly next my brother's death. I am having a hard time adjusting to my new life. I am so far away from my family, I feel alone, it's unusual and odd here. Luckily, I'm blessed, my husband was very supportive. I have a shoulder to cry on. He takes care of me while I'm down. My daughter hugs me tightly, listens and stares while I'm crying. Every tear in my eyes, she wipes it out and says "Mommy, don't cry." I'm blest to have a wonderful family. Indeed, Death is another great adventure, knowing my brother and uncle were kind of adventurous persons, I knew they'll going to love heaven, bonding with God. I'm very happy! This poems dedicated for both of you. May you rest in peace!


Life brought you many challenges
many struggles and many hardships.
The years left their marks as lines on you face
and gray-hues colored your hair.
The sun weathered your skin
adding freckles from age.
Your mind slipped into its own world
where few could reach you,
as time took its toll.

We lost you years before
to the disease that steals the mind
and leaves behind the body to slowly fade,
with the passage of time.
A disease known as "the longest goodbye."
The person we once knew
the one I called "Kuya Ame,"

My wish for you
in this season of goodwill towards men
and for everyday since we "lost" you
is for a peaceful death,
a good death
a death of days gone by.
For you can slip away
without fanfare
without sirens
without shouting
without pain
And find a rest without waking.

This year we both got our wish for Christmas.
You left us with serenity and dignity
quietly and peacefully in your sleep,
the way you had asked to go.


Something so hard
goes stright to the soul;
it seems impossible to get over
and my heart is left with a big hole.

I'm trying to be happy, wearing a smile;
but I'm dying inside.
the world seems to be fading,
and I just want to run and hide.

Everywhere I go i see your face,
and realize how much I miss you;
and on the day you died
a piece of me died too.

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